Testimony: Part 1

I was raised in a Southern Baptist church in a small town in Southeast Kansas. I have never lived my life apart from a local church. Whenever the doors were open, we were there. My Dad was the song leader for many of my growing-up years. We had several families that came, and quite a few children. However, as I got older, more and more families left for various reasons, but for whatever reasons, the relationships were breaking down and not being fixed. By the time my sister went off to college, I was the only one in the youth group. It is very hard to press in to know God more and to want to do His will when nobody your age is, and the relationships in your church are not very strong. My church had no vision for legacy. The legacy left, and all that remained were a handful of older people staying together out of tradition and a longing for the “good old days”. The Bible says, “Without a vision, the people parish” Proverbs 29:18. Fortunately, today, that church has a new minister who has birthed a new vision, and some of the people who had left when I was a child are coming back, and so are some of their kids and grandkids. However, I dare say they are not out of danger if the things that they are building upon are not what Christ desires for a local church to built upon: relationships with Him and each other and a vision for legacy.

After I married, we found church after church with the same dilemma: mostly older people, mostly women, few children, and fewer still young people that DESIRED to be there. The little children came with their parents, and most of the older kids came because their parents made them come, even if they were kicking and screaming. They are the youth that sit in the back, arms crossed across their chests, rebellious to any authority, coming to church hoping to find a boyfriend/girlfriend to at least justify “wasting time” there. Even sadder is the fact that people think of them as good church kids just because they fill a pew! Do we really just want bodies to fill space, or are we building a church that would fulfill the purposes of Christ on the earth? After punching our religious timeclock for a few years, Dennis and I came to a point in our lives where we felt spiritually dead. We were longing for relationships, only to find none; we were longing to find a place where God was alive and moving. We kept saying, “There’s got to be more!”
There are two reasons people leave a church: 1) out of purpose 2) out of perversion. If you are leaving for any reason other than finding the purpose of God for your life, then you are leaving for the wrong reason. If you leave because you had a fight with someone, or you just don’t like someone there, or you are not happy with how “they” spent your money, etc., then you are leaving with unresolved sin issues that will follow you to the next church you decide to call home.
After much prayer and desperation, Dennis and I knew we had to find where God was actively moving and where we could begin to have a family. We knew that we did not want to start having babies before finding a place where they could grow up knowing, loving and serving God, not just knowing about God and being religious church kids.
There is a big difference between knowing God and knowing about God. You can gain all the academic knowledge you can about God, be able to recite the Bible forwards and backwards, and yet not have a clue what God’s thoughts and ways are about. How does one know God that way? The same way you know your best friend inside and out. You spend time with Him, talk to Him, be open to Him, share everything about who you are and what you think with Him. It’s called being transparent. When I live an open, transparent life, I’m laying everything out on the table for someone to see. Not just the good, fluffy stuff, but my bad side, too. And we ALL have a good AND a bad side.
We were all born sinners. But just because I have a good side doesn’t make me saved. I’m still a sinner. What makes me saved is the fact that I have acknowledged that Jesus died on the cross for my sins, and because of His blood, I can boldly come before the God of the universe and ask for His forgiveness and let Him be Lord of my life. You see, before Jesus came, people had to sacrifice animals in order to have forgiveness of sins. You see it in the Old Testament and in historical Jewish documents. Sacrifices were made at different times throughout the year in order to cleanse the people of their sins. The animals had to be without blemish, spotless. They had to be pure. No human is pure, so they used the blood of animals. However, history changed when Jesus came into the picture. He was the only perfect human; both absolutely human and absolutely God. The Bible talks about Jesus praying the night before his death for God to take the cup away from him, unless that was what God’s will or purpose had to be. The cup he is referring to is the cup that holds all of man’s sins (yours and mine). He looked into that cup, saw all of the corruption, deceitfulness, lies, lust, sexual immorality, idolatry, murder, and bitterness that we had committed and chose to drink it. He chose to put all of those sins, both present and future, upon himself, even though he was sinless, in order to be the living sacrifice for us so that we would have a way to come before God covered by his pure blood. Before Jesus, only the high priests saw God. They were allowed into the Holy of Holies, a room where God’s presence dwelt, only once a year, and if they were not cleansed and holy, they would die in the presence of God. Once Jesus died for us, the veil between the Holy of Holies and the rest of the tabernacle was split wide open. Jesus made a way for God’s presence to be among us and for us not to die when He is with us. When the reality of that hits us, and we become keenly aware that we have not been in God’s presence in such a way that it has changed us, then we are living as if we know Him, but in reality we only know about Him.

Hmmm.....

Just a thought--if Luke Skywalker is the "Christ" figure, the Senator or Chancellor guy is the "Satan" figure, and the force is the "God" figure, would Yoda be the "Holy Spirit" figure?

Is this mic on? and school year

I'm thinking about not writing anymore as I think nobody is reading this thing.

Anyway, I had a great summer, I had a major breakthrough as a teacher, and I spent quality time with my family.

School has begun. We have had 3 days, and I am EXHAUSTED! It's good, though. I love it. I have to be a lot more on my toes this year with these boys. I feel like the last 10 years have just been a training ground for this year. There's no way I could have taught this class 2 years ago or when I first began teaching 10 years ago. I see God's hand in all of the timing that has brought me to this place.

I also began to realize that I didn't "miss God" like I thought all of these years that I had. I always wanted to be a teacher, but, just like one of my previous blogs tells about, I was told I would be poor the rest of my life. I received a business management degree, and a year after that thought I really missed God by not getting a teaching degree. God revealed to me that I didn't miss Him, He knew that is what I would do, and I was saved from learning how to teach the wrong way. I have been schooled on the job and by Him, which is way better for me and the students. That was SUCH a relief, and I have a confidence now that was lacking.

Now my aim is to point the students at all times toward God. Why do we learn, obey rules, learn Logic/Latin/History, etc? To glorify God.

It's going to be a great year. It may be exhausting, but well worth it.

Joy

As I was reading a friend's blog today, she was talking about how she has lost her joy, and she is on a journey to find it. I know the feeling. About 3-4 years ago I really began to realize that I am not a joyful person by nature. I think it is a generational thing in some of my family members, but even if I am happy about life, I don't tend to portray that. This really bugged me. I had to talk to someone. I asked a friend of mine (who always seemed to be joyful) what his secret was: how could he always be "up". He told me of a dream that he had had:

"I was at my own funeral, but nobody could see me. I was watching it all happen and shouting, 'I'm right here! Don't look in there, it isn't me! I'm alive, really!,' etc." He told me that he had become so "dead" that nobody could see him "alive". It was after that dream that he began to cry out to God to give him joy, and He did.

I have been praying the same thing, and although I am not completely changed, I believe God is helping me.

Colossians 1:9-12 "We pray that you'll have the strength to stick it out over the long haul-not the grim strength of gritting your teeth but the glory-strength God gives. It is a strength that endures the unendurable and spills over into joy, thanking the Father who makes us strong enough to take part in everything bright and beautiful that he has for us."

I love those verses from the Message. Really, no matter how I feel or circumstances around me, because of who He is and what He has done--that alone should give me joy.

God, may You be the lifter of my head.

Lord, liar or lunatic?

I am reading an interesting book in my classroom while they do their handwriting. It is called More Than a Carpenter by Josh McDowell. So far, it is really good. He poses the question, "Who do you say that Jesus is?" Today we read how either Jesus IS Lord/God, or He is either a lunatic or a liar. Lord, liar or lunatic. If He is a liar, claiming to be God and claiming that He is the only way to God, and if He wasn't really, then he would not just be a liar, but he would be very evil. Scratch that off the list. If He states that He is Lord, but really isn't, He would at least be a lunatic. Of all the statements He made about Himself, he would definitely look like a crazy man if those statements were not true. Many people call Him a moral man, good teacher, etc. Could a lunatic be a great teacher? How about people that have had their lives changed by His teaching? Sorry, but He is NOT a lunatic. He either is what He says He is, or He is not. Guess that leaves Lord.

Yes, I believe He is Lord and God. I believe that He is the only way to God. I believe that He saves lives, changes us, wants us to know Him in a real, relational way. I believe that He is coming back someday, and I want Him to always be pleased with me. This is the Jesus that I know. He is amazing!

Encouragement

I asked God one time, "What can I possibly do to walk in my 'calling'? I don't know how I can make a difference in people's lives." God, speaking through a minister, told me that one thing I can do is write encouraging notes to people. I began doing that every once in a while, and it seemed to really mean a lot to people. I didn't do it very frequently, however, and once more I asked God what I could do. He reminded me about writing encouraging notes, and I decided to try to write at least one per week to someone that He would give me words for. It was a great year when I did that. I usually had more than one per week, and although not everyone came back and thanked me, it was just good knowing I was obeying God. I stopped doing it for awhile, but I am ready to get back to it. You know, when you know that you can help in ANY way for the kingdom of God to expand, whether it's cleaning the church, mowing the lawn for someone, working in the nursery, etc. it is good to just go ahead and walk in those ways. He blesses you in the process especially when you do it with joy. I love to be an encourager. I hope more people become aware of ways that they can encourage others. For me, it's not about that person thanking me, it's about knowing that God gave me those words to say to them, and it must be His timing for them to hear them. Also, when you have something encouraging written down for you, it's nice to go back to it in the hard times.

Friendships

I was trying to look up "friendship poems" on the internet, but I couldn't find any fitting for what I am feeling, or they were just very cheesy. I am very thankful for the godly friendships that I have. I am so glad that I have friends that will keep me on the right track, love me unconditionally, and help me when I need it. I love serving God alongside such wonderful people. I feel extremely blessed each and every day. I know not everyone in this world feels this way, and it makes me sad for them. I think of some of the friendships I have had in the past that had no real purpose and on the surface seemed fantastic but really left me with nothing once we were no longer together. How we never really got to a deep, committed relationship because it was not built on anything but flesh (what can you do for me?) instead of building it on Christ, who is our solid rock. I have friendships now where even if we have been apart for a short or long time, we can pick right back up because we are serving Jesus together, and we can have a deep, meaningful relationship because of that. I thank God for this creation of "friendship", that He created us with a desire for relationships.

God's promises

Last night the kids and I did our devotions, and we have been discussing how God keeps all of His promises. After we finished our reading and talking, the kids made "promise boxes". They ended up being so cute and inventive, even Sammy enjoyed it, which he doesn't usually get too into the "craft" thing. I gave them small boxes with lids (size like what checks come in), and I wrapped the lids separate from the box having the wrong side of the wrapping paper showing so they would have the whole box white. They then decorated to their heart's content with stickers and wrote whatever they wanted on them (my promise box, etc.). On pieces of paper they wrote out God's promises to them and placed them inside the box. I told them whenever they feel down or need encouragement to open their box and read God's promises to them. God always keeps His promises. Thank you, God!

Headaches

I really hate headaches. I have battled with headaches for nine years. I have had years where I had anywhere from a bad headache up to a migraine almost daily. I am not living that way anymore, however, when I get a headache, it's pretty bad. Lately I have been getting more. I have been prayed over numerous times, and sometimes wonder if God is using this as my "thorn in my flesh" or if I just don't have enough faith to be healed. I am on medication to try to keep from having them, but I would love to just be healed and finished with it. I would love to be able to get hot from summer weather or from exercising without getting a migraine. I would love to not get tension in my neck and shoulders which works its way up to my head. I have learned how to praise God in the midst of the pain, however. Maybe that is the lesson I am to learn.

writing

Yesterday I took the kids to visit my Grandad in Coffeyville. The kids just went for a few minutes to say hello and so Grandad could say a few things to them. I stayed a tad longer so we could talk alone. It was a good visit, lots of crying, though.

I went by Grandad's home and found a handwritten journal written by my Great-grandmother (whom we called More-Granny). She passed away when I was about 4-5 years old. She wrote the history of her family and things that had happened after marrying my Great-grandpa. I read it last night when we got home. It was so fascinating! Even little things were fascinating: how much they spent on gas for their gas stove, what they built their homes with and how small the homes were, etc. I tell you what, people back then were tough. Things they had to endure and go through, I do not think I am strong enough to handle most of that. The very last page had cut-outs from the newspaper of my parents' engagement with a beautiful picture of my mom, and one of my dad in his air force uniform mentioning how he was assigned to go to San Antonio, TX, for on-the-job training. (This is where my sister would be born.) Very cool.

My Granny was always good about writing letters, notes, sending cards for all the holidays, etc. She loved writing. Reading More-Granny's journal made me realize where she got it. I love sending encouraging notes to people. I feel as though it is one thing that I can do for God. I don't know if you could consider it a "calling", but it's one of the best suited callings for me, in my opinion. Sometimes I struggle with, "What can I do for God?" This is one thing that I don't have to question. I CAN do this, and so I do. I CAN wrap Mexico boxes, and so I do. I hope that God will be glorified in everything that I do.

Awe

I am reading a book with the kids about living in the awe of God, how every moment is extraordinary not just ordinary because we serve an extraordinary God. It relates scenes from Star Wars with how we should live our lives. Very interesting. One part that we read spoke of how children are always asking grown ups to "do it again" when they find the "awe" in something, and how we as grown ups think that just gets monotonous. The author then poses the thought that maybe God likes the monotonous; maybe he tells the sun every morning, "Do it again," and the moon, "Do it again." All of creation seems to repeat itself every season, every year. Does that seems monotonous? Not to us, because we get to enjoy the benefits. However, if we had to create the same thing over and over, would we consider it monotonous? God loves us so much that he creates flowers that aren't even seen (i.e. on mountaintops, in forests, etc.). That is "awe". Watching the sunrise and sunset. That is "awe". However, when we realize our minuteness compared to His greatness, there should be mixed with the awe a certain sense of fear, a fear of God and his extraordinary power. I want to live there, in awe every day of God.

Leaky Roofs

Yesterday I told about our leaky roof, and I was thinking about it all day. I was thinking about how we all appreciate a roof over our heads, especially one that doesn't leak. We don't want anything from "above" to be able to get inside of the place where we are. I began to think about a spiritual parallel to this. What if we didn't want anything from "above" to get to us? What would we do? We would try to block it. We try to block God out when we know we are not doing well, when we blame Him for circumstances, when we ignore Him and His voice, or when we just become too busy with the world to look to Him. I want a leaky spiritual roof. In fact, I want the roof taken off! I do not want to block Him out. I want His rain to pour on me, saturating my life, making me whole. And not just whole for ME. His purpose is not so that I become an overfull rain droplet, but so that I can pour on someone else, giving them the refreshing water that I have received, as I go back for more of Him. Leaky roofs and leaky people. That is what He desires.